Ugliness in our mind

What is beautiful? What is ugly? 

Am I beautiful? Or am I ugly?

Without doubt, this is one of these questions we ask our self in our live the most- even if we are not aware of it.

We start to asking us this question, when we are start to compare us with other- in our late childhood. Some say, that people, especially women and girls, are not able to pass a mirror without looking inside. And in my case, it is true.

I grew up in a really „Nordic- oriented“ place- without looking like this. My childhood was okay, my parents have been awesome since ever, most friends of mine also. But there was this tiny piece inside my soul, which was unhappy.

Every day I wake up and go to my bathroom. There is this big mirror over the sink and every day I turn the lights on and look in this accursed mirror. I look and look and look, but the person, who is watching back is just ugly. It is a woman- maybe. Her face is more or less destroyed by the books, diary’s, mobile phone and the iPod, which were under it for more than five hours’ sleep. On the left side of her lower jaw, her skin turns sometimes into red and the woman get’s than these disgusting, tiny points. Pimples. God, who the hell is this ugly creature? Does she has not a facial toner or at least a paper bag to hide this kind of face? Her eyes are tiny as well, black and have something stoned in their way to look, even the person came just out of the bed. About the hair we do not need to talk- they are disgusting as well as the rest of this creature. Or they are greasy or they are dull and lifeless. So, not a model- but anyway, she seems too small and to fat for being a beautiful model.


After this extensive examine of this unbelievable ugly creature, I take a shower, I get dressed and comb my hair and then, I look again in the mirror.

The women or creature or whatever it is, is still there, she/ it looks just a little bit more human and desperate.

This is always the moment, when I have to realize, that this creature is me.

Going out from our nice and perfect family house and to the bus station, other people overlook and jostle me while they are updating their Facebook status. Afternoon, my friends and me are at the University or also just in the city. On my right and my left side, there are so many people who are taking insta- selfies, that I get upset. Why they can take so many and so beautiful photos of them self? Why not me?

Well… while I write these lines, I am asking me „who, the hell, said, that I could not take so many senseless selfies of me? I have a smartphone and usually internet. So, go on Sadi, take photos of you until you can’t!“.

But I do not take photos of me, because I would be shocked of my ugliness. And this deep but bad attitude in relation to our self, is the consequence of our social education.

Not at home. And maybe not in our close relations. But in our televisions, in our magazines, in our books and in the world wide web.

The ugliness and the pressure we have, to look good, to be as tall as we can (high heels are not solving this problem ^^), to need the best marks and to be always funny and happy, are just in our mind. We are giving our self a kind of human valour in relation, to how perfect we would be for society. But we should not forget. We can never be perfect enough and when we are old, we need to be satisfied with this we did.

We know, that we live in a world full of stereotypes and we know, what the perfect person looks like. But we also know, that THE real beauty and perfection is not possible, because what is beautiful? what is ugly? Real beauty and perfections come from our deepest heart, from our kindness and our soul.

Because if we are ugly, we are it just in our mind.



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